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INTRODUCING ... IndieEtiquette Our new column will help you solve all of the sticky, prickly and downright embarrassing predicaments associated with The Big Day. By Elise Mac Adam FALL 2003 | Somewhere along the way etiquette got a bad name. It obtained the reek of tradition, of privilege, of a fussy, conformist 1950's aesthetic. But true etiquette is none of those things. It is about comfort, which is often in short supply when you're planning a wedding. It is the hot water bottle that soothes bad behavior, finds solutions to petty questions, and rescues you from annoying relatives. Unadorned, the rules of etiquette are simply guidelines for good manners. And good manners -- not love -- make the world go round. Etiquette, simply put, provides perimeters for all kinds of behavior, in all types of situations. Rather than it being a holdover from an elitist class system, it is a great equalizer. Everyone has the power to make other people, and themselves, feel good. Weddings are deeply concerned with etiquette, in part because they are often formal events with traditions we don't exercise on a daily basis -- but also because they are about the mixing of families, of cultures, of worlds. Brides in particular find themselves racing around looking for an updated Emily Post or a recent Miss Manners Guide when the inevitable avalanche of questions tumbles upon them: How do I word invitations to include four parents and three stepparents? Is it all right for me to tell my sister she has to cover her bleeding heart tattoo? Is there any way I can invite my best friend and not that fink husband of hers? How do I delicately handle my uncle's racist third wife? The issues are endless, seem overwhelming, and threaten to turn even the heartiest souls into piles of dust. But there is salvation. Etiquette, gently applied, should help everyone get through the wedding without having to be hauled off in handcuffs ... or a straightjacket. Planning a wedding may be one of the most delicate, anxiety-producing, and unfamiliar things you ever do. You will need help, advice, good counsel, common sense. So arm yourself with manners. Grasp their mighty power. This column will give you what you need. No query is too small, no issue too petty. I am here, answers at the ready. It's your wedding, and it should be your pleasure. ----------- Send your etiquette questions to Elise at indieetiquette@yahoo.com.
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