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Who Do You Love?
Mommy Diarist
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Cold War / Warm Heart
But first, a word of explanation. The introductory essay to this blog was written in the middle of January, 2005, well before the (fashionably) late arrival of my son. When the blog launched, the feeling of being on the brink was still relevant- if a bit misleading. My kid showed up in February and is going to be eight weeks old very soon.
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Having one's child in winter has some advantages. During the extended window of opportunity one has to go into labor, friends, family and strangers will delight in placing bets based on weather forecasts that every blizzard or snow shower will be sending you straight to the hospital. I wish I could have made some money off of this, but even a foot of snow didn't send me into labor.
I also treasure the fact that late winter and early spring is inevitably a complete wasteland for movie releases. As an ardent movie watcher, I was concerned about the baby cramping my style somewhat, but really, nothing is going on. Even the local revival houses are obliging me by doing things like programming series of super-popular Westerns that I've seen several times.
To compensate, I've been relying on a fabulous service for shut-ins, and have rediscovered the pleasures of British television crime series. While motherhood has not mellowed me much, and I still love falling into dark, grim mystery tales, I was surprised to find a rather blunt commentary on parenthood buried in the heart of the 1982 Alec Guinness production of Smiley's People.
If you haven't seen it, understand that you must watch another series, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy first. Smiley's People is the second part of a late cold war espionage story based on novels by John Le Carre.
NOTE: Please don't read on if you feel the need for anything like a surprise, though in my opinion, the remarkable success of the series is in the writing and performances - not so much the way the story ends as in the way it plays itself out.
At the end of the story, George Smiley (Alec Guinness) triumphs and gets revenge on his arch-rival Karla (Patrick Stewart – yes, the very one) not by outwitting him, but by playing on the Russian spymaster's only Achilles heel. Karla has a daughter, a sad insane woman he carefully smuggled out of Russia. To return her to her homeland would destroy her. When Smiley finds her, he merely writes a polite, gentle letter to Karla, suggesting he will send her home. Karla immediately surrenders.
Clearly, this ending is about how powerful being a parent is, and how even this Russian spy can't sacrifice his child, but there is something else going on. In his letter to Karla, Smiley acknowledges that they are similar men on different sides of a chessboard. Their lives and goals are nearly mirror images of each other. What makes Karla vulnerable is the fact that he has a child. Smiley realizes that this thing that allows him to triumph also makes him somewhat less human. This is good for his job but possibly tragic for what remains of his soul.
I don't agree with the notion that one must have children to realize one's full potential or that having a child is necessarily "humanizing." But I have been plagued with feelings of vulnerability since Felix was born. I know that there is a soft spot on the outside of me that I can't completely control or help, no matter how much I exert myself. A part of me will always be out in the world, and I will worry more about him than I do about my own limbs. It is a curious feeling that I feel alternately good and bad about, but it is interesting that it took the iciest of cold war dramas to find a way to understand the vicissitudes of my heart and mind.
(By the way, if you're interested, other fabulous mystery series that I've watched and obsessed over during these early weeks are: Foyle's War and Cracker.)
posted by Elise at 11:42 AM
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