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Stumbling Into Mother's Day
So Mother's Day has never meant very much to me nor, I suspect, me to it. My own mother dislikes the holiday because extra holidays mean extra obligations when there's too much to do in the first place. Of course there were the obligatory calls to my grandmother, but she was a sourpuss par excellence, and these chats always began with a dismissal of the holiday as being something that Other People (who? who knows?) might like, but she was not falling for it.
But for obvious reasons, I'm awake to the pre-Mother's Day buzz that is ringing in my formerly deaf ears. There, on the television is a peculiar advertisement for a special Mother's Day bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken; Time Out: New York suggests buying flowers (for happy mothers) or the book What No One Tells the Mom (for the murky ones); and I'm receiving potloads of email from companies with gift suggestions that are simultaneously practical and weird. (Since when do clogs convey any appreciation of the maternal?)
Through all of this I find myself irked. All evidence to the contrary, I don't really feel like a mother, and I dread the holiday a little, the same way I don't much care for Valentine's Day. It wants me to feel something; it wants me to buy something; and it wants me to expect something (not necessarily in that order), and since I have a hard enough time feeling like a mother privately, it is hard to imagine making a public statement of it.
Still, after looking at the history of the holiday, I don't feel quite as mean-spirited as I have in the past. Mother's Day isn't really the ugly spawn of a greedy greeting card industry. In part, it is a spin-off from the UK holiday Mothering Sunday- though the "mother" in that case is the church- which is celebrated during Lent. In the US, Mother's Day was largely the invention of Julia Ward Howe (author of the lyrics to the "Battle Hymn of the Republic;" the Atlantic Monthly paid what must have been the considerable sum of five dollars for them in 1862), who conceived it as a day of peace in the wake of the Civil War. This alone is interesting. Since Felix, I have never been less sanguine and at peace with the world. I frequently boil with fits of rage, cringe with my own ineptitude. I admit that I secretly (not anymore) creep up on my snoozing kid and place a hand on his chest, hoping he will still be breathing, praying the neurotic prod won’t wake him. This all happens behind what I hope is a blithe, lively exterior.
I think there is actually something of a tradition of maternal disquiet. I've been dipping into the fascinating book, Never Marry a Woman With Big Feet: Women in Proverbs From Around the World, and finding adages that, while not really comforting, are strangely familiar feeling. Here's a tiny sampling, and I hope one or another of them either speaks to you or provides a moment's amusement.
For Mothers:
- Mother is God number two. (Malawi)
- God could not be everywhere; therefore he made mothers. (USA)
- The mother is the mother, the rest is just air. (Morocco)
- There is only one pretty child in the world and every mother has it. (Israel, USA)
- No temple is more beautiful than one's mother. (India)
- See the mother, comprehend the daughter. (Afghanistan)
- The only generous love is the love of a mother. (Greece)
- Even if the son fries her an egg on his hand, he can't repay his mother. (Russia)
- The porcupine caressed her children and said: 'May God take care of your silken skin.' (Turkey)
- Dear God, don't send the child what his mother is afraid will happen to him. (Greece)
For those with difficult Mothers-in-Law:
- A tooth, sharpened for the daughter-in-law, will bite the son. (Russia)
- Always sweep where your mother-in-law looks. (USA, Dominican Republic, Israel)
- Daughters-in-law become mothers-in-law. (USA)
And a personal one, for mothers of big kids, simultaneously but independently coined for me by two friends named Fred, after Felix was born:
Nine pounds six ounces is the answer to any argument you will ever have. (New York)
Finally, in the original spirit of the day, I've included Mrs. Howe's 1870 Proclamation. It's quite moving, but I admit I wonder whether it would affect me so much if I didn't have Felix. Best wishes, and here's to as much peace as we can all muster- internally and in the world at large.
Cheers...
Julia Ward Howe's Mother's Day Proclamation (1870)
Arise, then, women of this day! Arise, all women who have hearts, whether your baptism be that of water or tears!
Say firmly: "We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies. Our husbands shall not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have taught them of charity, mercy and patience. We women of one country will be too tender of those of another to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."
From the bosom of the devastated earth, a voice goes up with our own. It says, "Disarm, Disarm!"
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice. Blood not not wipe out dishonor, nor violence indicate possession. As men have often forsaken the plow and the anvil at the summons of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel. Let them meet first, as women, to bewail & commemorate the dead. Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means whereby the great human family can live in peace, each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesars but of God.
In the name of womanhood and of humanity, I earnestly ask that a general congress of women without limit of nationality may be appointed and held at some place deemed most convenient and at the earliest period consistent with its objects, to promote the alliance of the different nationalities, the amicable settlement of international questions, the great and general interests of peace.
posted by Elise at 9:46 AM
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said...
Elise,
I just read your Mother's Day piece. Thank you for it. I had a family that held secondary holidays in disdain, too, and carry the residual discomfort. Dad's favorite was George Washington's birthday (pre-President's Day) which he used to explain Gifts for No Good Reason at Any Time of Year -often spoils from a sale- champagne flavored saurkraut, perhaps. So I was reminded that just like good manners come from considertion of others, holidays come from a need to clear away the everyday and focus on something substantive. Never knew of Howe's proclamation. It is wonderful, and to the point. Many thanks.
5/08/2005 9:34 AM
Linda said...
Check out our Mother’s Day Tribute to Frank Zappa and the MOTHERS OF INVENTION.
http://www.subrosa.arbre.us/SubRosaMothers.html
Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention warped my musical soul.
It was the heyday of the English music invasion and the beginnings of the psychedelic scene when I first heard the music of Frank Zappa. The Mothers of Invention 1966 debut album 'Freak Out' was filled with gritty doo-wop, dense ballads and searing political commentary that touched someplace deep inside. It was the 'Lumpy Gravy' series 'We're Only In It For The Money' that forever changed the way I listened to music though. With that album, Frank introduced me to polyrhythms, jazz, nob tweeling dub and very early renditions of 'trip hop' music. I was hooked for life.
Mother’s Day is celebrated around the world. The day is used by children and husbands to honor mothers and grandmothers for all that they do in raising children. Some of us just play the music of Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention all day.
Some historians claim that Mother’s Day originates from ancient spring festivals dedicated to maternal goddesses. Greeks honored Rhea, wife of Cronus and mother of the gods and goddesses of Greek mythology. Ancient Romans had a spring festival dedicated to Cybele, also a mother goddess. Called Hilaria, this celebration lasted for three days and included parades, games and masquerades.
A more modern version of Mother’s Day began in England around the 1600’s Mothering Sunday was celebrated on the fourth Sunday of Lent. Small gifts were given, and a special dessert called a simnel cake was served.
In the United States, Mother’s Day was first suggested in 1872 by Julia Ward Howe (famous for writing the words to the “Battle Hymn of the Republic”). But it was a woman who was never a mother herself who led the campaign for national recognition of Mother’s Day.
5/09/2006 9:18 AM
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