|
recent posts
----------
London
No Kool-Aid for Me, Mr. Cruise. But Thanks for Off...
Give That Kid a Chicken Leg!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my ed...
Plug
Side Effects
A Quiz
Fine Young Cannibals
On the Other Hand - Support
Boobs on View
|
 |
You've got questions, she's got answers. Be among the first to read Elise Mac Adam's new etiquette guide.
Pre-order from:
- Simon & Schuster
- Amazon
- Barnes & Noble
Standing Corrected
In an effort to explain to a small child why it is unwise to swallow objects that are inedible, my husband trotted out a relatively old chestnut about the unhappy day our dog ate a sewing needle and wound up at the Animal Medical Center where he was x-rayed, laughed at by veterinary interns and released with the proviso that he consume a lot of bread. (Why this hasn't led to needle-eating as bread delivery mechanism is beyond me, because the dog's grasp of cause and effect when food is involved is marvelous.)
When I tell this story, I generally hear about the improper things other pets and children have eaten, so I wasn't really prepared for the narrowed lips and prissy tone of:
"What was your dog doing with access to a needle in the first place?"
Apparently, school was in session and home safety was on the lesson plan. It was I, you see, who left the needle unattended and prone to being snapped up by a young terrier. I confessed my critical error to the parents of the toddlers around me.
Of course it was terribly necessary that someone point out my negligence. If I had only known the charm of the AMC waiting room (ferrets do get into all sorts of trouble*) and the expense of the x-rays, I would have been throwing all sorts of inedibles on the floor and sprinkling them with kibble. Thank God I had a right thinking parent explain my misdeeds to me. Never mind the fact that a certain level of intimacy should be established before people should feel comfortable chastising guests on a weekend afternoon.
So, this is just to say that I have long been afraid of being indoctrinated into the literal-minded overly earnest parenting world. Now that I've crossed the border, ignoring the "Abandon All Hope" sign, I think I'm less annoyed by the lack of humor and insistence on sobriety than I am disgusted by the sense I get occasionally that I am supposed to join them. I have the lay of the land now, and I am relieved. As long as there are people out there constantly willing to explain my follies to me, I don't have to worry about them myself.
*Even though ferrets are still technically illegal in NYC, the AMC will treat them.
For the curious:
The list of animals one cannot legally own in New York City is fascinating. If you look at it with a generous eye, it appears Rudolph Giuliani might have had a shred of a sense of humor after all (the list was published as part of the NYC Health Code in 1999 when he was still mayor):
(1) All dogs other than domesticated dogs (Canis familiaris), including, but not limited to, wolf, fox, coyote, hyaena, dingo, jackal, dhole, fennec, raccoon dog, zorro, bush dog, aardwolf, cape hunting dog and any hybrid offspring of a wild dog and domesticated dog.
(2) All cats other than domesticated cats (Felis catus), including, but not limited to, lion, tiger, leopard, ocelot, jaguar, puma, panther, mountain lion, cheetah, wild cat, cougar, bobcat, lynx, serval, caracal, jaguarundi, margay and any hybrid offspring of a wild cat and domesticated cat.
(3) All bears, including polar, grizzly, brown and black bear.
(4) All fur bearing mammals of the family Mustelidae, including, but not limited to, weasel, marten, mink, badger, ermine, skunk, otter, pole cat, zorille, wolverine, stoat and ferret.
(5) All Procyonidae: All raccoon (eastern, desert, ring-tailed cat), kinkajou, cacomistle, cat-bear, panda and coatimundi.
(6) All carnivorous mammals of the family Viverridae, including, but not limited to, civet, mongoose, genet, binturong, fossa, linsang and suri- cate.
(7) All bats (Chiroptera).
(8) All non-human primates, including, but not limited to, monkey, ape, chimpanzee, gorilla and lemur.
(9) All squirrels (Sciuridae).
(10) Reptiles (Reptilia). All Helodermatidae (gila monster and Mexican beaded lizard); all front-fanged venomous snakes, even if devenomized, including, but not limited to, all Viperidae (viper, pit viper), all Elapidae (cobra, mamba, krait, coral snake), all Atractaspididae (African burrowing asp), all Hydrophiidae (sea snake), all Laticaudidae (sea krait); all venomous, mid-or rear-fanged, Duvernoy-glanded members of the family Colubridae, even if devenomized; any member, or hybrid offspring of the family Boidae, including, but not limited to, the common or green anaconda and yellow anaconda; any member of the family Pythonidae, including but not limited to the African rock python, Indian or Burmese python, Amethystine or scrub python; any member of the family Varanidae, including the white throated monitor, Bosc's or African savannah monitor, Komodo monitor or dragon, Nile monitor, crocodile monitor, water monitor, Bornean earless monitor; any member of the family Iguanidae, including the green or common iguana; any member of the family teiidae, including, but not limited to the golden, common, or black and white tegu; all members of the family Chelydridae, including snapping turtle and alligator snapping turtle; and all members of the order Crocodylia, including, but not limited to alligator, caiman and crocodile.
(11) Birds and Fowl (Aves): All predatory or large birds, including, but not limited to, eagle, hawk, falcon, owl, vulture, condor, emu, rhea and ostrich; roosters, geese, ducks and turkeys prohibited or otherwise regulated pursuant to ยง 161.19 of this Code, the Agriculture and Markets Law or applicable federal law.
(12) All venomous insects, including, but not limited to, bee, hornet and wasp.
(13) Arachnida and Chilopoda: All venomous spiders, including, but not limited to, tarantula, black widow and solifugid; scorpion; all venomous arthropods including, but not limited to, centipede.
(14) All large rodents (Rodentia), including, but not limited to, gopher, muskrat, paca, woodchuck, marmot, beaver, prairie dog, capybara, sewellel, viscacha, porcupine and hutia.
(15) All even-toed ungulates (Artiodactyla) including, but not limited to, deer, antelope, sheep, giraffe and hippopotamus.
(16) All odd-toed ungulates (Perissodactyla) other than domesticated horses (Equus caballus), including, but not limited to, zebra, rhinoceros and tapir.
(17) All marsupials, including, but not limited to, Tasmanian devil, dasyure, bandicoot, kangaroo, wallaby, opossum, wombat, koala bear, cuscus, numbat and pigmy, sugar and greater glider.
(18) Sea mammals (Cetacea, Pinnipedia and Sirenia), including, but not limited to, dolphin, whale, seal, sea lion and walrus.
(19) All elephants (Proboscides).
(20) All hyrax (Hyracoidea).
(21) All pangolin (Pholidota).
(22) All sloth and armadillo (Edentala).
(23) Insectivorous mammals (Insectivora): All aardvark (Tubulidentata), anteater, shrew, otter shrew, gymnure, desman, tenrec, mole and hedge hog.
(24) Gliding lemur (Dermoptera).
posted by Elise at 6:29 PM
........................................................
said...
1/24/2007 9:13 PM
said...
1/30/2007 7:22 AM
said...
2/06/2007 2:33 PM
........................................................
<< Home
........................................................
|
said...