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Stay Away from the Xiphoid
So you would think that attending an evening-long infant and child CPR and safety class would be a responsible and comforting thing to do, the kind of thing that would make one feel wise and, I don't know, adult-esque.
I've just come back from one of these sessions and what I am, now, is frightened. Suddenly, the prospect of my kid choking on something or having his heart stop for reasons I can't imagine or encountering somehow a flaccid latex balloon (which is, apparently, among the worst things a child can swallow) feels almost imminent. I hadn't given these things too much thought before and now they are monsters in my mind.
The teacher confessed that she herself, way back when her child was little, could not look in the CPR and Safety manuals because even the clip art drawings gave her an anxiety attack. She tried to soothe this tendency in her (small but cranky) class by saying that the only chance of remaining calm in a terrible situation is to have the feeling that you know- or at least knew once- what to do. She even had for sale ($40) a kind of electronic crib sheet that looked like a remote control, except when you pushed the buttons a man's deep voice blared: "Remain calm!" and then prompted you to check airways and start rescue breaths or chest compressions. No one bought one.
I am someone who has always done well in a pinch, who thinks about horror and disease rather casually, who has always loved scary movies, who has never backed down from a story no matter how gross others might find it. My friends have always known that if they ever need an audience for any tale of birth or injury or illness or ick, I am their girl. Now, I admit, Felix has altered me a bit. It has been hard this week to see the headlines of the New York Daily News that have dealt with a baby nurse who shook her charges causing untold damage, but I thought I was just a little soft. I would never have thought that merely attending this CPR class would make me feel like cringing or fleeing. I didn't do either, of course. I sat tight, practiced resuscitating a little dummy infant in various ways, learned that it is important to avoid doing chest compressions on the xiphoid (the little tag of bone at the end of the sternum), heard about car seat and household safety and now I just feel worried, as if a whole yellow brick road of worry has just opened up at my feet.
And there are little pitfalls all over the place. There is a whole list of scary foods (not to mention household items like coins and chalk). Certainly fat whole grapes are dangerous, but who would have thought that raisins would be completely unacceptable until a child is 3 or that kids shouldn't get popcorn or peanut butter until they are 4? The key, by the way, to food acceptability is that it should always be something that easily breaks down in the mouth. No Red Hot Fireballs for Felix, all the more for me.
I am glad I sat there this evening, though I can't say I feel wildly capable. Mostly I think if the instructor came over and saw my house she would have a fit of apoplexy. Perhaps if I take her advice and practice on one of Felix's stuffed animals from time to time, and cleaned up a little I'll be more in command of things. But I have to say that these classes encourage one of two things: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or despair. I wish I had the energy for OCD because I hate having to worry that I’m not smart enough to see around every corner, and I really don't think I'll be able to bring myself to ask all of Felix's friend's parents if they know the Heimlich maneuver. I do want him to have friends.
On a more personal note, I suspect I am especially sensitive to the impossibility of keeping a child eternally safe tonight because just this afternoon I learned of the death of the daughter of some friends of my family. She was close to my age and pregnant and just hearing this horrible news makes me ache for her parents who are good people for whom there can be no consolation. My thoughts are with them and I am so very sorry.
posted by Elise at 8:36 PM
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