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But First
Dawn arrived too early yesterday, as it has done for the last ten months and I had occasion to peer blearily out the window as I went to lift the hollering Felix. And lo, there was a bit of snow on the ground, most of it untouched. Some sort of mania hit me and I stuffed the kid into his coat and stroller, threw the harness on the terrier and grabbed the camera to take pictures of First Snow Felix.
And then I realized that, of course, this isn't his first snow, it's just the first snow of his first full winter, and that's hardly a milestone. That's just weather.
I've never been one for marking moments well. I don't remember turning sixteen, didn't go to a single prom, didn't spend much time at either my college or graduate school graduations, so how did I end up falling into the Firsts Insanity? When Felix first rolled over, I was thrilled and actually relieved that I managed to see and videotape the incident (a complete accident). Why the concern? Was I thinking no one would believe me that he had figured this out? Was I thinking he would never flip over again and I would be like the hapless guy from the infamous "One Froggy Evening" Looney Tunes cartoon where the frog will only sing "The Michigan Rag" when there's no audience?
This is not some "tree falls in a forest" situation. People routinely learn how to walk and talk and roll over without a documentary crew handy. But in my case, I suspect an ulterior motive. I can't remember anything anymore except by association. Felix's landmarks are just a constellation of memory triggers for me and it has happened since he was still in utero.
- When was it exactly that my aunt visited and I had to show my uncle the ways in which "Hey Fatso" is an unwise way to greet a pregnant woman? Oh yes, the weekend of December 16t h when Felix first began exerting rare pressure and pain on my ribs.
- When did my friends elope and how long do I have to give them their wedding present? Around the time Felix's first teeth popped out (present finally delivered, by the way- whew).
There is another sad possibility. I would rather not think that compulsive "firsts" charting is the result of the hideous obsessive baby comparing that one hears about so often. Happily I avoid this by being completely useless and unable to play the game because I can't clearly articulate what Felix does, since so much of it seems rather vague. ("Well, he doesn't say Mama, but when he wants something he spouts `Mamamamamamamamama.' Is that close?")
So beyond fostering the competitive spirit and giving people like me a decent mnemonic device, is there any point in documenting "firsts"? I suspect I know the answer to this already, given the fact that the pediatrician and all close relatives have yet to question me on any of these finer points that I try to remember to write down.
posted by Elise at 10:18 AM
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said...
Have to chime in and say that documenting firsts & well just about everything the baby does is frustrating. I know I'll kick myself in the future if I don't. I would also feel like the worst daughter of the year since the grandparents live to far away. BUT I find myself missing out when I run for the digital camera, web cam, phone, video cam, baby book & plaster handprint kits... Sharing the moment seems so much more rewarding right now.
12/08/2005 1:14 AM
MellyD said...
The cynic in me fears that behind this need to commemorate their firsts is the obsession so common in mothers today -- stay at home or working full time -- with the importance of "being there." I can't count how many times I've heard stay at home moms ask working mothers, "Well, don't you feel guilty for not BEING THERE???" I can't count how many times I've heard working moms say, "He took his first step and I WASN'T THERE!!!" As if they will remember us being there for their first smile, laugh, word, step. They won't. But we can document it, make certain that *we* remember it, and bring the moment back to them later, when it will matter to them in some small way. The optimist in me agrees with Chloe. It's instinct to try and capture these moments because (believe me) we will forget them. Every new first replaces the previous one in our minds, somehow. In the moment, the firsts that they are doing today almost always seem more important, more memorable, than the firsts they did yesterday or last month or last year. But they grow so fast. They change so quickly that we hardly get a chance to know who they are one day before they're someone else the next. One day, the pictures and video and recorded nursery rhyme recitations will be all we have to remember all of the people they were between then and now, and the only thing we will have to show them all the wonderful steps they took along the way.
12/08/2005 8:02 PM
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said...
MellyD said...