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Oh, Spare Me
The New York Observer this week is running its second set of angry letters about an article called "Breast is Best?: This Bad Mom Trusts the Bottle" that ran on December 5th. While it would be nice to think all of this ire poured in because people were finding outlets for their anger and impatience during the transit strike, I know that isn't the case.
I'd link to the original article for you, but I can't because one must pay $2.95 for it at this point. The gist of the piece is that mothers are damned from day one. There is always something they should be doing or trying to do and if they decide not to do it, they're "bad" or "selfish" or "shouldn't have had a kid anyway." The writer, who was still knocked up when she wrote this piece, used herself (naturally) as an example of this. She has decided not to breastfeed and rattles on and on about how bad or "bad" she is in the eyes of the world.
And I am plugging my ears.
If the writer was trying to make a statement about the strange world of competition, contests for suffering and one-upmanship that is parenthood, then she failed completely. Her audience clearly couldn't hear a word of her larger argument because she was jumping up and down saying: "Look! Look at me! I'm going to make you breastfeeders MAD! I'm not going to nurse my baby and I know it's terrible. I know how very, very BAD I am." And of course her audience rose to the occasion and pounced all over her saying she was just an asshole who shouldn't have kids if all she wanted was her body back and the ability to drink tons of wine or what have you.
So what if she doesn't breastfeed? I don't care. I don't care if anyone does. It isn't my business and it isn't interesting. I don't think anyone is better or more virtuous for breastfeeding just as I wouldn't think anyone was cruel or selfish for opting out. It is just one choice among many. The writer knows what she is doing (happily she managed to work in the fact that she went to Yale, I suppose as a way of letting us know how very, very smart she is) and appears comfortable with her decision- except that she had to write a defensive article about it and cast herself as the Cruella de Ville of the post-partum set.
This is too bad, not only because it's boring. The real shame is that everyone is so competitive and nosy and trying to measure maternal success in abstract, pointless ways. Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, organic food, non-medicated childbirth, television, vaccines, non-electronic toys, gender neutral clothes, circumcision, attachment/no-attachment, gender neutral toys, childcare, whether the mother went to Yale or not- all of these things that are mere elements, fragments in lives have become enormous standards, points by which people compare themselves to others in the hopes of feeling superior.
This is all just so much dancing in the face of existentialism. There is no objective "best," thank God.
If you don't want to breastfeed, you're entitled not to, but you should shut up about it- and not just because I'm not interested. You should keep it to yourself because the only thing blabbing will do is give people the opportunity to reveal what jerks they really are.
Really, if the writer wanted people to hear what she had to say, she shouldn't have talked so much about herself.
posted by Elise at 7:45 PM
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said...
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1/30/2007 4:59 AM
said...
Amazing from Adult Tuba
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2/01/2007 4:06 PM
said...
Amazing from Adult Tuba
Ok guys, here i am - pretty brunette with brown eyes, tight ass and quite big tits (as my BF says). The reason i post here is that my BF is actually in a 2 week trip, and it's quite boring and lonely here, and i simply want to have fun!
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2/01/2007 6:42 PM
said...
Amazing from Adult Tuba
Ok guys, here i am - pretty brunette with brown eyes, tight ass and quite big tits (as my BF says). The reason i post here is that my BF is actually in a 2 week trip, and it's quite boring and lonely here, and i simply want to have fun!
I want to share with you mine and my BF some sexual content photos:
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By the way, if you have anything to share too - post it here, i'd like to see them too! ;-)
So, guys and ladies, don't be shy - post it!
I'm sure all of you have smth to show!
2/02/2007 1:38 AM
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