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You've got questions, she's got answers. Be among the first to read Elise Mac Adam's new etiquette guide.
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Birthday Management
Oh I don't know what to say. I keep looking back at Emily Bazelon's piece in Slate about curbing kid birthday excess, particularly in the present department and the whole business makes me want to crawl into the bathtub.
What does one do? Needless to say, this is not something I have to worry about for a while. I'm counting on coasting for a bunch of years at least, but reading the article made me honestly cranky about all the contortions Bazelon went through to try to limit enormous volumes of plastic junk in the house.
The proscribed way of things now is for children to invite their entire school classes to their parties, so while everyone's feelings are spared being slighted, the potential for becoming inundated with stuff gets upgraded from Possibility to Certainty.
I have a late summer birthday, so the whole question of the school party was never an issue. I wasn't in a class and no one was ever around, so am not even in a position to look back to my halcyon youth for imperfect and retrograde solutions.
Bazelon seeks solace in a book swap (her piece offers some guidelines) for years. This is appealing and spares her goodie bag angst. But I hate bullying people. I hate telling them what to do, especially what presents to get. I hated it when I got married. I was happily spared it when I was knocked-up (I pretended I wasn't going to have a child for so long that I suspect people thought it might upset my equilibrium if they pressed me too hard about what I needed- clearly what I needed was a few drinks but they weren't available to me). I love giving presents but I hate requesting anything.
Is there a solution? Book swap seems a little odd, if utopian, and Bazelon's solution for her son's party (he is in grammar school) of having all by 5 kids doing book swap and getting the remaining friends to bring presents is really awkward and seems guaranteed to make at least a few folks feel as if they did the wrong thing. (It strikes me as only a little bit less confusing than the "no gifts please" invitations where almost inevitably if one arrives empty-handed, one faces a wall of exquisitely wrapped lovelies.)
On the other hand, I'm not opposed to party favors yet, though. I spend enough time in Chinatown to know that there are untold inexpensive curious pleasures. Witness my new favorite amusement, the paper balloon.
But I must run because someone else's new favorite amusement is the garbage can.
posted by Elise at 7:10 AM
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gef said...
Hey elise--I don't think we've seen each other since a year or two post college, but i saw you quoted in the salon story and was like hey... i know her! (through our mutual old friend, christine.) great blog. i have one too on similar subjects: bankerswife.blogspot.com
hope you're well! --gillian
2/04/2006 11:56 AM
Elise said...
Hey Gillian, It's been way beyond a dog's age. I don't dare count how long out loud. If the mood strikes, please drop a line though my etiquette address: indieetiquette *at* yahoo dot com
I would be most interested to hear what's been cooking. Cheers -Elise
2/04/2006 7:59 PM
said...
Howdy, came to your blog by way of Salon.
As to the solution to overgifting, my daughter's only two, so it's not been an issue. We've so far had small parties w/mostly good friends and said "no presents please!" But what about just imposing a "No more than five dollars on gifts, please!" rule? You can't possibly get something huge for less than five bucks, right?
2/05/2006 12:00 PM
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gef said...
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