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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Rat Race

Of late, I've been wondering if I should start getting those "B6" injections that we heard about in that seminal novel packed with health tips, Valley of the Dolls.

I've been tired. Work has piled up, and rather worrying family familiness has set in and makes me yearn for the proverbial quick fix.

It doesn't help that no one seems to share my indolence. I went to a cocktail party last week where my hostess, a new mother with a business of her own, entertained 200 and then wrapped up a new product of her own invention which she showed me two days later, while the leftovers were still tasty.

There were no kindred spirits in the general population of the the party either. One woman I chatted up said she moved apartments a few days before her child was born and then went back to a grueling 12 hour-a-day job about two weeks later.

It was embarrassing to remember how I was preening preening over getting back to the keyboard, producing concrete thoughts from home, between naps and such a few days after returning from the hospital. And no, I haven't managed to invent anything. (Though if I can come up with something to prevent Felix from his one-shiner-a-week routine, that wouldn't hurt.)

It's ridiculous to compare all the time, but that's a sad side effect of becoming a mother. Someone is always measuring. Even the stupidest things get evaluated. (Who cares when the kid got teeth, or slept through then night?) And what is the point of all the one-upmanship?

I don't understand it but I sure do buy into it. Why do we compete? How does it help us?

Pardon me for being plaintive, but I'm the girl who is overwhelmed by the little things and I do marvel at the accomplishments of the party people.

For my part, I'm setting small goals in different areas so I can always point in some direction while looking for progress. They are indeed very little:

I am determined to do pull-ups (and the heft of the kid should help with some upper body strengthening).

I must fix the sink. (This has been months of lingering trouble that is too much for a "handy" person to deal with and too small for most "plumbers" to want to take on, but I think there's progress).

I have to complete the professional assignment, and I have about 10 days to do it.

Ready? Set? I'm already going.

posted by Elise at 4:59 AM

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3 Comments:

Chloe said...

Being a mother is difficult, period. Anyone who tries to pass it off as anything but difficult is not only lying, but doing other mothers a horrible injustice. I want to smack all of those celebrity mamas out there just passing it all off as "Oh such a lovely experience" because they love their babies so much. I love my baby, and I go through a lot of trouble for him. I am always questioning myself, looking for validation, and trying to improve. I accept this as who I am & how I go about challenges. I don't know if my experience so far matters enough to make you feel better...but overachievers need a bar sometimes.

Inventing? Bah! Catering to 200? DOUBLE BAH! Shall we ask how much domestic help she had/has employed? No, I don't want to know...in case it is too little to laugh at. There is a theory out there about parents who try to do too much with infants & create stressed out children who think they have to do too much all of the time because of the fast paced environment they have been exposed to. Ack can't remember the book & while typing the little one has caught his finger in the DVD player. Don't be so hard on yourself, check into the B6 shots, take an extra nap & have a go at your professional assignment 9 days out. I usually procrastinate on professional assignments until completion becomes an impossibility without superhuman powers & the stress is just about unbearable. It's my creative process, unfortunately & well, I have to live with it.

3/08/2006 9:46 AM

Elisheva said...

Funny, I just had a conversation with a mother of two who felt similarly underwhelmed with herself upon unwittingly comparing her life with that of an over-achieving friend. Apparently, you aren't alone.

I think the key is that everyone's clock has only 24 hours. If there are things you do, there are necessarily things that you don't get to do. And we tend to adjust ourselves given our own priorities and objectives. Some of which are deeply ingrained, some of which come as part of our day.

So the women who seemingly do more only logically do less of something else. The only reason anyone ends up feeling guilty is that we put some kind of moral value of activities. For instance, you seem to view napping as less productive than entertaining for 200. Why set a moral scale for activities?

I know for myself that if I had to entertain for 200, I could, and yet, I would end up the cranky wife from hell while doing it. If you ask my husband, a wife who naps is a lot better to have around than a cranky wife from hell who serves her guests salmon rolls with a smile. It's all relative.

3/08/2006 10:39 AM

Elise said...

Indeed, I do recognize that the things some people do to relax or for pleasure are not my own... I, for instance, do not do yoga or nap, where a lot of people I know do both happily. I actually think that the gigantic cocktail party was something that my friend threw for fun and it wasn't at all upsetting for her. I admire the energy she has and I suppose what makes me wrinkle at myself is that I wish I had more. This of course does change and you're right, the things I do are very different. Ultimately, it is the comparrisons that are unwise.

And progress has been made on the sink front- which is really quite remarkable.

3/08/2006 2:30 PM

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