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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Go Not to the Toddlers for Counsel

On a blitz panic run to the local baby store (needed to find "newborn" present for a 4-month-old, a free copy of the May/June issue of Cookie magazine found its way into the bag with the teething whatnots.

Much has been written about how problematic Cookie is, how it offers such an odd celebration of incredibly expensive baby items and lifestyle choices. But I can handle those things. I don't need to track down hugely expensive haircuts for my kid, but am not offended by the fact that they're highlighted (if you will) in the magazine. I have never taken my cues from fashion magazines so why should my kid?

What stung about this issue was an essay in which the writer spent a week trying to decide whether or not to have a second child.

Fair enough. It's one of the eternal questions. If one is single, one's friends want to find one a match. If one is in a relationship, one shouldn't stop there but get married. If not staunchly child-free (these new terms are annoying), then the "baby, when?" questions start, and it doesn't stop after one because everyone wants to know if you'll do it again (and possibly again- since I have heard from two sources that "three is the new two" when it comes to kids... though I have yet to see what that means in practice).

Anyway, the article is at once weird and shallow on the subject, raising issues then casting them aside unexamined. Perhaps you think I'm being peculiar for wanting rigor in a lifstyle magazine, but really, without analysis, this piece makes no sense.

The writer goes to a party and meets someone who advises her to leave off at one, because one is easy and can more fit into the life of adults. The writer takes this to heart until her husband (who is not on the fence) points out that the party-friend was probably a terrible mother. So much for that worry.

On another day, the writer is caught looking sad by a friend. When she tells her friend about how she is struggling to figure out what to do, her friend gets harsh because she is single and not even a position to satisfy her biological clock at all. (And what is the moral of that story? Don't tell your friends about your worries even when they ask you because your concerns might grate against theirs? Think hard about your friend's circumstances before you say anything to even your closest friends about anything, ever? There are no answers here.)

And finally, the writer really panics and starts crying in front of Sesame Street and seeks counsel from her 18-month-old who tells her to have two.

Now.

Is something remarkable going to happen in a couple of months? My child, who is not that many months younger than hers, does say a few words, but we don't have what I would chats about theoretical futures. I would have much more luck getting any kind of answer from quizzing a Magic 8 Ball.

And this seems like a terrible idea. What happens when the toddler changes his mind and tells his mother to take that baby away?

Was she asking permission? Why does she feel her kid is even capable of offering such absolution?

Perhaps my outrage is the ire of existentialism. I found everything about pregnancy to be unfathomably lonely. Each decision and problem is something one handles alone. I wrestled with crowded and uncomfortable isolation (big baby) and the prospect of having a second puts me back in this frame of mind. Of course my husband has a voice, but the final decision is mine.

I wish I could fob it off on someone, but that's a choice I can barely handle. Why should it rest on a toddler's shoulders?

Or perhaps it is that easy for some. Maybe the writer's 18-month-old didn't tell her to have a second child. Maybe he said he wanted to watch two episodes of Sesame Street, and she just heard what she wanted.

More on schools when my blood pressure goes down.

posted by Elise at 1:32 PM

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2 Comments:

lovethelaw said...

I read the piece yesterday, and thought of you (really). I'm all for putting the best interest of our children first, but in this case Felix will be happy and lucky either way--just ask him.

And one is the new three.

4/28/2006 8:03 AM

Elise said...

It is sort of remarkable that someone can write: "I asked my 18-month-old about something abstract and life changing and he gave me the exact answer I've been wanting to hear!" -- and this plays out well enough for an editor to let it pass. If I wrote about having the same conversation about, say, a new puppy with my terrier. Someone might think me a few cards short of a deck. And maybe somthing remarkable happens at 18 months, but for now, I am guessing, just as much with the baby as I do with the dog.

4/28/2006 11:00 AM

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