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Saturday, August 19, 2006

Terror In a Small Town

A quaint avenue in a touristy fragment of a remote Canadian city nearly witnessed a homicide of impatience.

I know I have complained endlessly about noseybodies who feel obliged to point out what they feel are my failings as a parent (witness: "he needs sunscreen") but only now can I appreciate how easy my spleen has had it.

The day after a family wedding and following a trip to see prize-winning livestock, my husband, one of my sisters-in-law, Felix and I staggered into town looking for books and food. After dawdling a bit too long, Felix exploded, which can happen when one gets up at 5:30 in the morning and bucks all naps because of the allure of 4H displays and carousels.

As he screamed and we wound our way back to the car, someone approached our merry band braying in that singular way that any mother whose "You'll be fine once we get on the road" monologue gets interrupted by a stranger who can read children's minds knows well and dreads, and started:

Stranger: He's wet.

Me: Just changed him.

Stranger: He needs a hat then.

Husband and Sister-In-Law (Stereo): He won't wear one.

Stranger: Well you CAN get the ones with strings.

Husband, Sister-In-Law, Me (Surround Sound): He'd rather strangle himself with the strings than wear a hat.

Stranger: He needs a soother. You can't give him a sucker at that age.

Me: He's fine. He's just tired.

Stranger: He won't stop crying maybe I should cry with him. Wah, wah, wah.

And then we nearly ran into traffic to get away from her. If we had killed her, it is probable that we wouldn't have finished our jail terms before having to return to the United States today.

So what was this? Did we just look like morons? Did she think I was just going to smack my head and say I forgot that babies need to be changed and not fed lollipops? I could even understand this lady better if I had been alone and looking dithery, but there were three adults to the one child, which surely should have suggested that the three brains together should have been able to navigate the shifting spirits of an 18-month-old.

Is this just some kind of nasty culture shock for people who spend much of their time in New York, where people are so rude they're polite?

Anyway, there she was, yammering away, oblivious to our collective rage. Have I just been living a sheltered life or was our Canadian encounter just some sort of freak thing?

She lives, at any rate. But she has no idea how close a shave it was. Remember, if the kid gets up at 5:30, his parents do too and they aren't even given an invitation to nap.

posted by Elise at 7:02 PM

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4 Comments:

Beatrice said...

Hi Elise,

I'm from Canada, and I've never heard of anything quite so strange as the woman's behaviour. The way she treated you and your family is considered rude and importunate in Canada as well. I'm sorry that this happened on your vacation and hope that you've been enjoying your time here otherwise.

8/20/2006 8:30 AM

Elise said...

I actually didn't really think her rudeness was unique to Canada- I'm sure folks like that woman can be found in any fine town. There is always something surprising when one goes to a remote locale to discover things are actually the same all over.

The trip was otherwise full of interesting sights and sounds, and I did meet a couple of uniquely Canadian dogs- Duck Tolling Retrievers who were quite spectacular.

8/20/2006 12:19 PM

chloe Rizzo said...

People just like to be right. So sorry about the encounter, but I'm glad it happened to you too. It makes the rest of us mommies feel better knowing, it's not just us who get unsolicited advice.

8/20/2006 1:54 PM

Joolie said...

Oh my God: My father-in-law's wife has a Canadian twin! She too has the ability to read the mind of any child better than the parents who spend every waking moment with him! That's just wonderful that they're able to share their expertise across all of North America.

8/20/2006 6:37 PM

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