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Applying Oneself
It is always interesting to consider the pedagogical moments that lingered most in my mind over the small eternities that have passed since I stopped being a student.
I attended a number of schools with wildly different educational philosophies, but it was really the Virginia public school system that I think truly inspired my hatred of bureaucracy and government inspired lesson plans. In grammar school we were shown incredibly frightening movies about fire safety (WITNESS: whole families die, little kids in pajamas succumb to smoke inhalation, fire departments arrive moments too late all because Grandpa got careless in the basement with a sofa and a cigarette and Mom forgot to check the smoke alarm batteries), bereavement (pets die, grandparents die, parents die, siblings die), and the odd social or health issue (domestic abuse and cancer were the two most popular of these).
We were also frequently given little "pop quizzes" that were supposed to teach us how to follow directions well. I can't believe how much class time was wasted so that the state could be satisfied that it had done all it could to ensure we'd all be capable of waiting on line and filling out forms at the DMV or the post office and not have to be told to do them over.
Why is this in my mind, you ask? Because I'm filling out preschool applications for my kid (and thinking longingly of one friend's experience: she applied her kid to middle schools a couple of years ago and at that age children have to write their OWN essays). On these things, any question that isn't: Applicant's Name, seems like a tiny bear-trap, waiting to clamp down and provide a reason why my application isn't worth considering.
Actually, the applications themselves provide all kinds of insight into the schools. One application cares what sort of education the parents have. Some want to know what the parents do for a living, others don't inquire at all. All schools are curious to know how you heard about them, which could be charming although it sort of has the effect of George Clooney shaking your hand and saying: "Have you ever seen me before?" Some seem to be interested in your child, warts and all. But how much should one confess about the kid's less savory tendencies or issues? Should one be a real bore and brag shamelessly? When the school asks what your feelings are about preschool education, do you say something? I looked at this question and immediately thought of a moment between Marlene Dietrich's character and Jane Wyman's in Hitchcock's Stage Fright. Marlene says something like "Please don't tell me you're one of those people who actually says how you're feeling when someone asks how you are."
And then there are the other opportunities for beleaguered parents to slip up because of bad direction following. I know of a school that demands one use a messenger service to deliver the application. It must be hand delivered, but NOT by a parent. Some places want "family photos," but this opens a whole world of direction following quandaries. What if you have no pictures featuring the whole family in what could be considered a non-torture situation? Do you stage a photo shoot in the handful of days you have to return the application? Do you send in two acceptable pictures? Is the picture optional if they say you can choose to send one? If your photos don't really work in the size requirements listed by the school, are you better off skipping the picture or sending something kind of ugly? Which is less likely to get your application thrown in the garbage?
Does any of this matter? Who am I to say? I'm too busy having sixth grade flashbacks. I'll let you know when I'm finished filling these things out.
On an interesting note, Emily Bazelon at Slate today has a fascinating piece about why homework in grammar school is almost useless. I wish someone had thought the same about educational films (shown in "Guidance" class of course) and "How to Follow Directions" practicums.
posted by Elise at 12:10 PM
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said...
Sounds slightly less stressful than medical school applications, (speaking as someone in their second year of med school) -- but only slightly!
9/15/2006 12:35 PM
Elise said...
Well, the med school applications are certainly longer and what you accomplish after being admitted is certainly more... impressive. But one does get caught in the tangle of having to be so serious about discussing the relative tastes and interests of a toddler, which is a puzzling prospect.
9/15/2006 3:13 PM
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