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You've got questions, she's got answers. Be among the first to read Elise Mac Adam's new etiquette guide.
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New Phrases For Bad Behavior
Recently, my etymologically inclined sister-in-law asked me if I had ever heard the term "helicopter parent." I had, in fact seen it, but only in print, never in conversation.
This turn of phrase has only recently been gaining traction in the United States, but (and here my sister-in-law did this research for me) it appears to be pretty common in Canada and in the United Kingdom. It is probably almost unnecessary to provide a definition, but it is a descriptive term, illustrating parents who hover over their children annoyingly and endlessly.
Actually, "Helicopter Mum" is one of the 9 categories of absurd parent illustrated in the new book (not available in the US, but widely discussed in the UK) The Madness of Modern Families. Witness the authors' description of this type:
"What's that strange whirring noise that accompanies little Hector wherever he goes? Why, it's Tamsin, his mummy, hovering at a safe distance, far enough away to allow him to interact, at least a little, with other people, yet close enough to swoop. Always ready with an opinion, a wet-wipe or a snack, she's as connected to him now as she was by the umbilicus, and as crucial to his wellbeing, or so she would have you (and him) think.
He's never on his own, Hector, although Tamsin did once leave him with Mrs. Arkle who cleans- while she went upstairs to change. At five he has yet to speak because Tamsin does it for him.
Tamsin is particularly noticeable at parties, where she stays, offering to help. How kind, you think, until you notice that the only thing she's helping with is Hector. She ignores any other child's request for juice, referees Musical Statues to make sure he wins and refuses to help with the washing up, because she can't see him from the kitchen.
At the playground she shadows his progress, car keys clenched in her hand in case they have to dash to A&E. Don't bother trying to engage her in conversation. If you'd really like to speak to her, go and chat to Hector. She'll be there like a shot, eager to respond."
So, I think this is relatively amusing, but in general I'm skeptical of canned terms for bad, ridiculous, annoying or impossible behavior. On the one hand, they turn unpleasantness into a kind of joke and make it borderline acceptable and on the other, they let the people who exhibit these traits laugh it off and not have to think about how they may be doing things that are socially awful.
I can imagine, for instance, some people, suffering under some delusions of self-importance might feel that this is some kind of compliment. It's GOOD to hover, because if one doesn't, who KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN? And then being able to say with a little laugh: "Oh I know I'm being a bit of a helicopter parent, but you know how it is when you really care about your child..." (The speaker would thus ensure that she is absolved of looking like a lunatic while also coming off as superior to the person who is, say, less hands on.)
Am I alone in finding these catchphrases sinister?
posted by Elise at 2:34 PM
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