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Post-Party Crank
So the season hasn't filled me with good will. I have hopes, of course, but they're a bit dim, in part because people are annoying me.
One of the things that I suppose is inevitable when one has a child is that some people decide that you have become someone else, someone hideously boring and awful and not worth their time. Sometimes these people wander off and stop returning telephone calls and don't respond to jolly notes in which one abstains entirely from mentioning the offending tot. Sometimes people vanish because they are having difficulties having children of their own and, again, even if one does one's best never to mention one's child out of delicacy and respect, the acquaintance is lost. This is unfortunate and made more unfortunate when one exerts oneself to pretend so hard that nothing has changed, that one is still as interesting as one ever was.
I threw a party a while ago, as the gingerbread house implies. I've done it for six years running and it draws an extremely vague sort of crowd. It's an afternoon thing, and people who have children often bring them, but sometimes their kids are busy with their own lives, so the parents come solo. Sometimes people show up with other peoples' children. Quite a number of regulars don't have kids of any sort, and never intend to have them. Some people bring dogs. This year four dogs, including my terrier, were in evidence. (It really makes post-party clean up so much easier.)
And some people show up with a full sourpuss in place spouting comments like: "Well, I don't have children." Or "Oh, there are really a LOT of kids around." To which I say either: "I don't care, plenty of people here don't don't" and "Why don't you have a drink?" But really, what exactly is the point of going to a party where you know children will be in evidence, where you have actually been warned of that fact, if you are just going to snark at your host that the presence of kids makes this Just Not Your Kind of Thing?
Why should there be this division? It's rude and I don't encourage it. This is an event with no rules. You could drink red wine and beer and eat odd cheese and Italian sausages. There were cakes and chocolates and all sorts of adult fare that most of the younger children were too short to reach. If you stood up, only the odd teenager could possibly interrupt you.
I have no quarrel with people who don't want to show up or who find children repellant or painful. They generate reasonably plausible excuses, and pleasantness is preserved. (One friend has been doing this for six years running with no ill-effects.)
So why tell a parent, who happens to be hosting, that her guests, and indeed her own offspring, are problematic and unpleasant? Is the goal just to make sure she knows that she'll never really be acceptable again?
Who knows?
I wish I could adopt something of my grandmother's philosophy. I've mentioned it on these pages before and she would say this about her problems with the phone company as much as she would about annoying people.
"They can all go to Hell."
But I don't have her resolve.
The weird thing is, the cranky people inevitably return year, after year. My guest list may need adjusting.
posted by Elise at 3:59 AM
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said...
why give them the opportunity to come and snark? especially since they seem to not be enjoying themselves. I say next year, they're off the list.
12/15/2006 7:10 AM
Laura K said...
Or, of course, you can say rather pointedly in next year's invitation "please dont' feel obligated to attend as I know children really aren't your thing."
As one of those in attendance without children I can say that it was phenomenally easy to avoid children. In fact, even when one *wanted* to interact with the kids, it was difficult to pry them away from the toys and decorating table.
Personally, I prefer to keep my snarkiness on just about any subject to myself -- or my blog. But in this case, the snarkiness was completely unjustified and unjustified snarkiness is just unacceptable!
12/15/2006 12:06 PM
said...
1/16/2007 4:24 PM
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