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You've got questions, she's got answers. Be among the first to read Elise Mac Adam's new etiquette guide.
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When There Is No Answer
My pregnancy has become obvious- just the other day I was offered a seat on the subway. (This is one of those pregnancy milestones that is reasonable and even gives one faith in people, but seems kind of grim at the time-- as in "oh, yes, I suppose I am quite large.") My jacket is just starting to beg for mercy, though I'm not sure what I'll do for the rest of the winter without it. I'm not one of those women who is always warm when she's knocked up. And a curious part of being noticeably pregnant is that one is open to all sorts of conversations that are difficult to have lightly.
The popular question of this moment: "Have you come up with any names?"
This is the pitfall question, always. My policy with Felix and with this one is never to reveal anything. No good can come of it. No matter what you say, people will try to change your mind because it is human nature to be dissatisfied and opinionated.
Once the whole thing is a done deal, people can only complain behind your back, which they'll do anyway- and don't tell me you haven't cringed at some friend's choice of name or, Hell, even winced at the visage of some friend's newborn. Some of them are kind of funny looking.
My strategy when people ask about names is to embrace my own curiosity. I always say: "Well, do you have names that you like?"
The responses one gets can be strange. One friend recently got a bit giddy since she apparently has been pleased that a few of her suggestions were picked recently (and, in fact, she had something to do with the discovery of Felix's name).
The vet (the terrier and I were with him for a cough) looked a bit stricken: "I can't get involved with that sort of debate."
And then there are the cautionary tales:
"It took my brother two months to come up with his kid's name."
"Don't pick anything too popular."
"Maybe avoid doing something too weird."
But one friend truly understood the problem: "Naming the second is problematic since you ostensibly picked the best name you could think of for the first. It is hard not to think of the next name as something rather second. Unless you're having a girl, of course."
Well, all those name lists I mentioned months ago are calling to me.
And of course I'll hear any suggestions, though I might not take them.
posted by Elise at 7:45 PM
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