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A New Word for Awful
So in New York Magazine, Amy Sohn has a piece about her husband being an interfering dad type. She, or someone, has coined the term "Momblocker" which on the one hand cuteifies his behavior and on the other makes it seem almost as if it were common and not really unpleasant. In her shoes I would be tempted to pop him one.
"Momblockers" are fathers who know best. They take over and know the best ways to do everything- including things like breastfeeding, which would demonstrate an astonishing empathy and anatomical understanding. But I suppose the modern extremely sensitive man is possessed of all sorts of talents, alternatively impressive and incredibly annoying.
I have an experience with fellows of this type. One is the partner of an acquaintance who saw fit to lecture me on the birth of my kid (not the right kind), the timing of my kid's first bath (probably poor, but I couldn't remember when it was), the pleasures of breastfeeding (immense) and his experience delivering- no, I don't mean assisting the delivery, I mean delivering- his kid (painful and transcendent). I smiled sweetly. Now I find extremely sensitive fathers really problematic, but I am also annoyed by extremely sensitive mothers. I just can't stand the superiority and bullying that these folks emit with their know-it-all, do-it-better-than-you-can attitudes, especially about things that don't matter at all.
Becoming this fetishistic about the minute details of how a baby is fed or held or dressed or coiffed is pathological. Of course, it can't last because the child will eventually go its own way, but it also suggests that the control being exerted is not so much one parent influencing his or her kid's environment, but trying to command and best his or her partner as well.
So what if a kid wears something ugly or paint stained or badly fitting once in a while, or even all the time. Perhaps my careless dresser attitude comes from the fact that my father was never one to give up on clothes and had a rare talent for packing his children into outfits that were several sizes too small. There is some amusing photographic evidence of his offspring lying, prone on beds and couches, arms and legs stuck out stiffly in tight sleepers, sort of like those baby harp seals but not as cute.
And perhaps my carelessness in other things kiddie is also bad and would make these folks cringe and itch to summon child protective services, but not only do I feel there are only so many hours in a day to spend fussing the details, I suspect the extraordinary care taken over the child and the belief that only one parent can know what's best for the kid betrays something aggressive and rather ugly that all the pastels and cute terms can't disguise. Don't embrace the word. Why soft soap the fact that your partner (male or female) has turned into a bully? It's totally annoying no matter how you slice it, and making it adorable is just the first step toward making it acceptable.
posted by Elise at 10:09 AM
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I agree with your point about somehow painting it as "cute" when the father becomes an over-involved, controlling bully. But the article also assumes that he will relinquish control once his daughter has a voice and an opinion. But why would she assume this? Many many people grow up with rigid, authoritarian fathers that "know best" when it comes to everything. She should stop it now, becasue there is no guarantee he won't enrage his child as much as he does his wife. If he can't concede control to another ADULT, he will not concede to a toddler.
3/02/2007 5:42 AM
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I take issue with the term extremely sensitive, unless of course you're using it with quotes. Sensitive is good. being a know it all is bad.
3/02/2007 8:13 AM
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