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Monday, April 02, 2007

A Little Credit, Please

Saturday saw us staggering around trying semi-fruitlessly to take care of errands. Felix was in his usual afternoon mood: jolly in his stroller after having removed his shoes and socks and covered with cookie. A couple walking toward us was clearly examining the situation and I assumed they were thinking the worst about us for letting our kid out barefoot. We had already been scolded several times by people who felt we might not know that Felix was not fully dressed.

My husband informed me that, in fact the conversation the approaching couple was having went something like this:

"No way he's theirs."

"If he had black hair I might buy it, but no way."

So first of all, do people really go around studying parents and kids to see if they are really blood relations or adopted? Is this sport or something like a grown up road trip license plate spotting game? Find the "natural" parents?

What were they saying anyway? That my husband and I just don't look enough like our son to be his birth parents? That my son is prettier than I am? That Mendle and his peas were totally wrong?

And second of all, I actually do look rather like my kid and we do have similar coloring. (My hair isn't black or even particularly dark- more dishwater blonde than anything and though his is quite light, it isn't really beyond everything that I could have produced him, at least in part...)

I mean no offense to anyone who has adopted (and having read a little piece about Alice Walker's daughter's idiotic comments about her adopted child versus her biological child I am sensitive to hamfisted blather), but I am a few short weeks from having a second kid and can confidently say that I am looking and feeling beyond lousy.

The least I could get is credit for the job pretty well done the first time around.

posted by Elise at 4:30 AM

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5 Comments:

Laura K said...

Ummm...since neither of you have black hair, I'd be *less* likely to believe the child was yours if he did. Aside from all the other ridiculousness.

4/02/2007 7:51 AM

Mr. Elise said...

To be fair to the idiots, the word might have been "dark" -- I might have misheard.

4/02/2007 8:21 AM

christy said...

My sons look nothing like my husband nor myself. One has screaming red hair and freckles, and one is blonde and tan. I have mouse brown hair and my husband has jet black hair and olive skin. We've grown accustomed to people asking stupid, insensitve questions. My kids usually make up whoppers- "My real mom is in prison" always gets raised eyebrows.

Good luck
Christy

4/02/2007 5:13 PM

mcm said...

People do suck. A friend of mine who is currently pregnant with twins is constantly being asked if they are "natural" (v. through IVF). I beg her to reply, "Why, yes, they're both human, thank you for asking." She hasn't done it yet, but she did say that one stranger who asked pointedly, "Do twins run in your family?" was told, "Actually, I was a twin... but I ate my sister while we were in the womb."

4/03/2007 1:06 PM

chyna823 said...

The worst I've heard is from a co-worker who was half Caucasian, half African-American, married to a Caucasian man. Their first child looked very much like his dad, complete with blonde hair and blue eyes, despite being 1/4 African-American. People often assumed that his mom was his nanny. I'm not sure why strangers care that much about a child's relationship to the adult they're with.

Christy, your kids sound hilarious--I think I'd like them! :)

And Rebecca Walker is a jackass.

4/03/2007 3:39 PM

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