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Independence... Or Something Larger
Perhaps this is one of those questions that really only applies to urban parents, but there was a lot of chatter on various local news shows a week or so ago about a woman who let her nine year-old son take public transportation home from school with some regularity. What made this newsworthy (or perhaps better put "newsworthy" since there doesn't seem to be any hesitation about putting things on the news that don't even warrant a raised eyebrow) is that this kid commutes solo, sans parent.
People are outraged. What is this mother doing? (There's no mention of the kid's father or his relative stupidity for letting the kid travel alone, which is intriguing in and of itself.) How can she DO this sort of thing?
I don't know. I don't know what I would do, what I will do, what I will permit. I have a sense that I will think nine years-old is too young for independent travel and that it will probably be outside my own comfort zone. I realize, though, that there are people who really need their kids to be able to get themselves home from school by themselves.
Anyway, Slate has an interesting piece by Emily Bazelon about this whole problem, which doesn't at all solve any of these riddles, but does elaborate on a lot of the issues and levels of guilt and confusion that people (again, the piece is aware that it is really talking primarily about women) are finding so overwhelming.
posted by Elise at 11:37 AM
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I'm an after school caregiver for a sixth grader. This is my last year with her (I've been with her since she was in third grade). The main reason I've been with her, for the last two of those four years, is because her parents haven't felt that she would be safe riding buses and subways without an adult companion. In third and fourth grade, she still needed me to make her snacks, do her hair and give lots of help with homework. Now, I'm mostly just her "bodyguard." And,because I won't be with her next year (this has been a detour for me, and I plan to go back to teaching) I am trying to train her so she'll be safe when she goes solo in the Fall. I'm teaching her to count stops so she knows when she's reached hers, even if the subway is too crowded for her to see out and the conductor doesn't bother to announce it. I'm teaching her to watch her personal space and avoid eye contact with strangers; to hold her bag close and not let herself get too distracted. Mainly (and this is the most challenging thing) I'm teaching her to act like an adult while traveling. I have to tell her (over and over again) "The subway isn't a place to play. No singing or dancing on the platform or in the train. No swinging on the turnstiles. No leisuerly strolling through the station, looking at this and that..."
She will be ALMOST adult size when she starts riding alone, and I'm teaching her that one of the best things she can do to insure her safety is to avoid doing things that will make her seem child-like to the casual observer. She is a professional child actress, so we approach it like a role to play. I tell her, "On the subway, you're the 18-year-old you."
It is working. She's becoming more alert and observant, dignified and unobtrusive on the subway, with practice.
I'll still worry about her, though, and I think her parents will, too. You really have to let kids solo by 7th grade; they'll be embarassed if you don't. But it is, indeed, a jungle out there...
4/23/2008 9:46 AM
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