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Growth, Revisited
In What World
That Day Again
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And the Flowers Are Still Standing!
Independence... Or Something Larger
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I Thought It Would Be Different
but it has turned out to be exactly the same...
"Don't compare" was what the pediatrician told me at Sebastian's 12-month check up. This was to encourage me not to dredge up Felix's landmark moments and hold them up as some sort of ruler for his brother. I really only do this a little bit, mostly because I don't have the energy to look up when Felix did what because-- and I realize that for many people this is a way of life, so my apologies if my complaint is something that you've long gotten used to-- the children have been waking me up somewhere between 5:15 and 5:30 in the morning lately and the schedule is not agreeing with me.
I wish it did, I have to say. I wish I could bounce up and not feel as if my brain were breaking. I wish I could hop up and, I don't know, work or run to a gym or just run or bake something or use those pale morning hours to learn a skill or be creative but instead I have the boys clinging to me and this feeling, born of inadequate sleep, that I am failing in all endeavors (including sleeping) settles in for the day. I even failed just now to end the previous sentence in anything like a timely fashion.
But my shred of hope in all of this, the beacon that suggests one day I will return to being able to rise at 6:30 or even 7:00 someday is the knowledge that when Felix was his brother's age, he was a dawn riser (I think Felix is jumping on the early morning band wagon because his brother is on it). I have photos of my pre-dawn Lego constructions as proof of that bleary era.
I shouldn't compare, of course, but I'm clinging to the hope that I won't be watching the sun rise for too many years to come except on my own initiative.
posted by Elise at 11:33 AM
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