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Monday, May 05, 2008

Policy

Rules are a major topic of discussion suddenly. There are of course the standard problems that three-year-olds bump up against constantly and it stands to reason that they would want to issue a few mandates so that their carefully constructed Lego and couch cushion environments don't get cleaned up by a thoughtless mother. A new edict was issued this morning:

If he touches my treatments he gets smashed!

This was largely ignored because Sebastian ignores all rules (or screams at them) and I never managed to uncover what exactly the treatments in question were, and since it was unlikely that they would be able to help with my headache I didn't feel this was pressing.

But springtime in Gotham is bringing out the preschool policy maker in everyone and now I want to start strangling people.

Among the people who need a kick in the teeth:

- The woman who told a friend of mine that her young children sitting on a (mostly) empty bus should stand because they didn't pay a fare and so didn't deserve to sit.

- The man who tried to tell me that Sebastian wasn't allowed in the dog run with my terrier because he isn't eight years old. (The actual rule, for anyone who is counting, is that children under thirteen are not allowed in New York City dog runs without an adult, and much as he would like to take the terrier and go off without me, I would be remiss to let Sebastian go before he can take more than eight or so consecutive steps.)

- The angry guy on the supermarket "express" line who picked a fight with the depressed looking woman in front of him who had a bag of lemons that, since they had not come in a prepackaged container, needed to be counted individually which brought her total number of items WAY ABOVE THE 10 ITEM MAXIMUM. (Happily I was just a spectator in aisle 2, and my check out of at least 20 items took much less time.)

I could go on. I went on all weekend about these jerks, in fact so maybe I'll spare you.

Now, you might think because I often write about etiquette and policies of social engagement that I like rules and enjoy the order they bring to the world.

But you would be mistaken. I like the idea of a guide. I like social suggestions because at times when I feel so deeply that I must only be a visitor to this planet with its strange ways and odd people I can pretend to understand what normal behavior might be.

But there are too many rules. I hate diets and food regimens. I hate dress codes and social straightjackets and I hate the clubby neighborhood smugsters who invent their own regulations and then get mad at you for transgressions you don't know you've made. Contrary to what you might think, I haven't yet actually been the recipient of neighborly bile, but it is coming. These eco conscious days make everyone want to protect trees from dog attentions (signs have gone up in various parts of the city hoping to shame owners into making the beasts re-embrace fire hydrants), and one gets scowled at for even using a single supermarket plastic bag. One can't let one's kid trot a few paces ahead on the street and I could go on.

So you'd think given how deeply people feel about these rules that life would be pretty civilized, pretty easy, but it is actually impossible. It's actually like living in a sea of preschoolers where the policies are capricious and changeable and he policy makers (the Deciders, if you will) are constantly revising their thoughts without warning and flying into screaming rages.

If it were really a polite world, the rules would be that one shouldn't constantly point out everyone else's small transgressions (there's always an exception or life-threatening or life-damaging situations) but as it is, I spend a lot of time wishing I could tell some strangers that they should go to their rooms or risk my taking their dessert and throwing it in the garbage.

posted by Elise at 12:10 PM

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4 Comments:

lisa said...

I've always liked "Be Nice."

Sounds like you had the same kind of week I did. Those jerks can get you down, can't they?

5/08/2008 9:34 PM

Anonymous said...

I agree that you shouldn't bring a little kid to the dog park. There are playgrounds for kids, and you'd probably be pissed if someone brought their huge kid-hating dog to the playground. Likewise, people with dogs get pissed when people bring their kids to dog parks. I have a dog that doesn't like kids. At all. There's nowhere else I can safely take him than to the dog park. And it really annoys me when there are little kids there.

I understand that your kid likes to watch the dog play, etc. But try to consider that there are LOTS of places you and your kid can do that; and there aren't many places that people with kid-disliking dogs can go. At all.

5/12/2008 6:24 AM

erin said...

to anonymous:
You don't understand. The issue isn't that parent wants to take their kids to the dog park so the kid can "watch the dog play." The issue is that the dog needs some exercise and fun while the kid needs to be with the parent either way.

I have a huge problem with kids running around in the dog run. It's dangerous for the kid to get all the dogs chasing him, and it adds a nervous energy to the run. There's nothing wrong with asking a parent to have their kid sit down. In the special case of a dog that is specifically afraid of children, I don't think it would be inappropriate to tell the parent that. But banning all little kids all the time just isn't fair, because some are very well behaved.

5/12/2008 1:33 PM

Elise said...

Actually, this is a perfect case of where people want to create rules and policies where common sense would be a much better guide. I have children and I need to take the dog to the dog run once in a while, not daily, not for extended trips, but it is good for him. I actually hate dog runs as a rule because of the poorly socialized dog owners that frequent the places. Still, I never go to a run that is crowded (even if I just have the terrier, who can annoy some dogs and I care that he doesn't get savaged as well). As for kids, they are both very dog-friendly and one can barely walk, let alone chase a dog and I wouldn't permit that in the first place.

In general, there is so much more anger and threat than there needs to be. If I see that a situation isn't friendly to my kids, my dog or to me, I leave it, and I watch for those things and don't expect anyone else to be responsible for me. But I do need to get things done, so I truly have no patience for people who want to make up the rules for others as they go along.

5/15/2008 6:48 AM

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