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Holiday Reeling
It is impossible, I think, to face the holidays as an adult with anything like pure pleasure, or even pure pleasure that is only mildly adulterated by Cooking Angst or Traffic Teeth Gnashing. I find that holidays are very much like regular days but the volume on my usual struggles is much much higher.
And the children present an interesting alternative to my standard Holiday Reckoning, which has been with me at least since college because they are primarily interested in chaos. They would happily eat Doritos for dinner or spend their evening swinging from a chin-up bar, oblivious to tradition or to the entire season's required emphasis on nostalgia.
So I have managed to get them to do the bulk of the work of the holidays for me. The boys can manage more cheer (until the inevitable line between Fun and Too Much Fun gets crossed and then there are tears and, often, from the baby, some biting) than I can. They are untroubled by questions of inadequacy or guilt or disappointment (except when it comes to having to eat some sort of dinner before dessert). They are like filthy diplomats, bumbling around while I can manage my own state of mind quite handily. My own problems with falling short are easily managed, since I often feel that if we can get out of anyone's house without breaking something a net win for my team.
At some point I think I'll have a reconciliation with the holidays. That's in the cards, isn't it? And until then, I think I'll just say I'm grateful that the children have found way of making my cheer more sincere.
posted by Elise at 4:28 AM
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