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It's Not EST, But It Could Be
Someone once told me about the experience of being a waitress for a table of people who were all taking an assertiveness training class. Apparently it took forever to get through the ordering process because each person would aggressively announce his or her desire and then forcefully change his or her mind several times before finally settling.
At the moment, it is as if Sebastian is engaging in his own sort of assertiveness training, although it wouldn't have been the first course I would sign him up for, given the choice.
Sebastian did not speak early, though is comprehension is excellent but now that speech has arrived, in more of a flood than a trickle, it turns out he has not been silently contemplating or engaging in the sort of quiet internal debates I thought I was observing. No. As it turns out, he has been impatient with everything.
No. I am not wearing a coat.
I want to go home. I want to go home now! (Generally said when he is at home.)
Mommy, go away.
Mommy, go to the gym. (He's right on that one. I should be there more often.)
That's not funny. (He's usually wrong there.)
I don't like that.
Months ago, I had been warned that with language comes a bit of "oppositional behavior" but I was unprepared for the volume of argument and the depth to which this kid is willing to go to prove his point. Happily, there are a number of possible careers that involve this sort of skill set, and I can always bludgeon manners into him.
I can, that is, unless I have some sort of conniption from the incessant "Why," which he has also embraced. Isn't he a little ahead of the game on that? How long does the "why" phase end? And I have tried answering "why" with a question. That does nothing to shut down the "why" quiz.
posted by Elise at 11:02 AM
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Not Offensive at All. It's a Trend
I'm not exactly sure why it is a revelation worth a big story in the New York Times "Style" section, but here it is: people have been applying Cesar Millan's dog training techniques to their children. Now, I'm not arguing because I actually love The Dog Whisperer and use his (I hope not patented, because otherwise I'd owe him a ton of money) "Shht" noise with the terrier all the time, and because I think I have, both consciously and unconsciously, used dog training techniques on the children.
I mean this in the broadest sense, needless to say, but all the stuff about being calm and assertive and asserting control through positive reinforcement of good behavior works well on young children and on animals. One is, presumably, looking for different end results and neither my dog nor my kids are perfectly perfect by any means, but I don't find the "discovery" that animal behavior modification techniques cross species. Actually, wasn't it the New York Times that started this meme with the hugely popular article (soon to be a book I assume) "What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage"? Yes, it was-- way back in 2006.
What I dearly wish is that someone could show me how to train myself in the ways of being internally calm and assertive so I could school myself in the ways of getting more done, eating less candy, being tidier, and wising up.
posted by Elise at 11:45 AM
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Under It
In some ways I have not really been myself for the last... seven months or so. Has this ever happened to you? The reasons keep shifting around from work to kid stuff, back to work, and then family stuff and then the kid things rear up once again and then unpleasant work reappears just to remind a girl what regret feels like.
And the news is having a bad effect on me. I spent oodles of time today chasing down leads on getting the elusive H1N1 vaccine for me and my family and now have to decide how much of the weekend I'm willing to sacrifice for it. I can't really recall a plague panic quite as extreme as this one and while I'm usually sort of impervious (or maybe that's oblivious... what would that be, "impivious"?) to this sort of thing so the plague of H1N1 panic has hit me harder than usual because I have a naturally strong immunity to health scares which is somehow failing me now.
But this evening, while I was trying to ignore something else, I did read about something that made me think a bit about the future. Apparently Volvo has decided to do considerable product placement in the movie of the second installment in the Twilight series, New Moon. This is not a departure from the books in which the vampire love interest, Edward Cullen, apparently drives a Volvo as well. Slate's Browbeat blog was interested in Volvo's decision to get involved in what appears to be a movie targeted at the pre-teen market and Volvo's national advertising manager argues that tweens have a great influence over their parents' car-buying decisions. (She also points out that the Twilight series is popular with women in general, not just very young women.)
So this gave me pause. Do you know anyone who has asked a child which car to purchase? I don't mean people who have taken the number and variety of children they have in their lives into account when thinking about car needs. I just don't think I ever had that much power. And now, as a nominal adult, reading this, I worry that I didn't make better use of what power I did have. Would you consult your kids on this kind of thing? What would you ask? What sort of reasoning would you be looking for, beyond the fact that (a responsible, caring hero prefers a safe ride)? (I have not actually seen the movie or read the books, so I don't know what sort of driver Mr. Cullen is.)
posted by Elise at 4:59 PM
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After the Candy
Well I was wrong about this year's Halloween festivities. Not once was I forced to stare down an egg wielding neighbor or hustle my kids away from someone spouting invective intended mostly for me. Things in my neck of the woods were actually quite pleasant, even if the weather was somewhat indifferent.
Today, though I found myself in a funny conversation about Halloween. Someone I knew had an out-of-town Halloween, which she felt was really authentic, and a real embodiment of the holiday. Since I was just looking to get through the day with enough fun and as little unpleasantness as possible, I was interested in the idea of seeking some sort of ideal for this holiday in particular.I understand a little better the cravings for tradition and nostalgia and some sort of Platonic Holiday Ideal for things like Thanksgiving and Christmas, but Halloween seems so full of variables and is so changeable depending on how old you are when you're celebrating that I never thought of it as a holiday that needed to measure up.
Nor did I ever think it would be good to recreate in my kids' experience my own Halloweens past. My mother was an ace costume maker-- not that she would pull out the sewing machine and craft timeless creations or anything. She was actually amazing with construction paper, glue, cardboard, pens and a closet full of items she didn't mind putting to use. I recall a particularly great Wonder Woman outfit she made for me that worked exceptionally well until it started raining. I, on the other hand, resort gladly to internet ordered things. I wish I could say that I knew what to do with a sewing machine or that I had natural talent and patience for these things, but I don't. My creativity this year was limited to having to perform increasingly intricate keyword searches to unearth a good, non-cheesy zookeeper costume.
My neighbors aside, the neighborHOOD turned out to be quite the place to be. How I could have lived here for years and years and not known this is somewhat beyond me, but all of the shops happily permit and encourage trick or treating, thus obviating any possible temptation to interact with one's immediate neighbors. There are fabulous decorations and crazy costumes and some very delicious and other rather unusual treats (my dog surely wishes he were out with the children when we passed the tiny store that was handing out fried chicken drumsticks instead of candy... and the next day the streets were paved with candycorn and chicken bones).
So, this was a success as far as I'm concerned, but I am interested in the idea that there is a non-urban ideal in Halloween. I've done both and as a child can't say I preferred one or the other, but perhaps there's something I'm missing.
Don't think I'm fretting this, however. As far as I'm concerned, my kids can have the city experience, chicken bones and all. I'm just curious as to what the countryside advantages might be.
posted by Elise at 4:11 PM
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