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Happy Returns
Birthday season has arrived. Due to the way my childrens' school arranges classes, these occasions tend to bunch up within a couple of months and every year I'm a bit blindsided by the sudden furry of social activity. Many dread these happenings but I don't really see the point in getting worked up. If my kids clearly hated the things it would be another story but as I see it, at this age, it is something to do on a cold weekend afternoon and the child who doesn't attend the party can hang out with whichever parent is free. The only real drag is trying to keep track of things, but that's the drag of everything, isn't it?
So with all this in my mind (and having just purchased a semi-educational "matching" game for the most recent birthday party), I was interested to read Emily Bazelon's piece in Slate this week about the deep conflicts she has about her sons' birthday parties (mostly the aggressive consumerism involved in present giving) and the unsatisfying way she tries to resolve her distaste. She and her husband instituted a semi-complicated birthday book swap tradition in lieu of having their children get presents and this worked for a while until her kids realized it made them different and they wanted a more standard present getting set-up. In her article, Bazelon details the strained compromises, her sons' upsets, and the conversations she and her husband have with each other about their position on presents.
I read all of this and was left with an almost despairing feeling. This often happens when what seems to be a non-issue (or at least a non-pressing issue) gets turned into something very large and intractable. I throw up my mental hands and resign myself to being corrupt and dissipated and accept that I am guilty of some secondary sin. I don't have it in me to conjure stilted present giving rules for my kids and I don't want to make my children the vector through which my guilt and confusion gets filtered. I'll try to work that out on my own without them having to deal with it.
What is it that makes birthday parties so complicated? I'm guilty of this myself in non-present-related ways. I am a late summer birthday myself so the party thing was never much of an issue since no one was around much and even now, my annual dinner out is always several weeks after the actual birthday to accommodate two of my dinner companions' vacation schedule. But I always forget to plan the thing, scramble at the last minute, vow to bake a cake from scratch, chicken out and order something from the tolerant (and happily accommodating) bakery in the neighborhood. Is there something about one's child's birthday party that makes some of us desperate to control (even if, in my case, it is control through procrastination) instead of just getting it over with? Why should this thing have to contain a grand statement as it does for Bazelon? Or in my case, why should it bring on such bouts of indecision?
Anyway, for my part, the first of the parties I need to plan is almost upon me and since I snatched victory from the jaws of defeat by suddenly remembering not to schedule it for a long holiday weekend, I should be feeling ahead of the game. Bazelon has a lot more arguing to do.
posted by Elise at 10:49 AM
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Is It Working Yet?
On one of my too-brief jaunts on a treadmill before New Year's, I saw someone on the morning "news" saying that for them to be successful, we should really call our resolutions something else like "goals." I am not particularly sure how necessary the semantic difference really is (though the interview subject went on so long about it, I wound up on another channel, catching up on the top ten "weirdest" television moments, sadly for shows I wasn't aware existed, of 2009).
Anyway, I tend to make resolutions and then not tell anyone (a mistake according to the long winded lady) and then eventually they slip away and I then start resolving on a weekly basis. Sorry, making goals, until the year wraps up and the cycle begins again.
This year, in a fit of winter vacation frustration, I made an effort to at least start on the right foot and had the children create a sign for my door. (If it works at all, someday I'll needlepoint something or at least have a sign that doesn't need to be wrapped in plastic wrap due to the volumes of glitter it sheds.) One of my many large problems with focus lately has been kid interruption. I am a bit of a pushover so that even when there is a designated time for me to work, things for the boys eat into it and I find I'm back to the early morning/late night work schedule which doesn't do it at all.
So the sign. It is a simple glittery creation, a little abstract, but even Sebastian has learned at school what "red" and "green" mean when it comes to proceeding across a street or through a door.
Is it working? Not so much yet. There's a bit of a learning curve in which they barge in and then pull up short asking: "Oh what did the sign say?"
But I'm not exactly going great guns either. School returned this week, though, so perhaps it is all a matter of getting the engines oiled again, and being pleased I thought to contain the glitter shedding before I put this practical masterpiece to work.
posted by Elise at 3:29 AM
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